The Flvxxvm Florvm Sampler

All songs (c) 1996 Jeff Robertson.

This CD contains all the songs that were previously available on tapes called The Flvxxvm Florvm Sampler or Flvxxvm Florvm Complete. A tiny subset is on the tape Flvxxvm Florvm for Dummies.

Volume 1 Bonus Tracks: Volume 2
  1. Rock and Roll Aliens
  2. Can't Believe
  3. Blood and Guts
  4. Neighbor's Kid
  5. Ain't Got a Woman
  6. Knock Me Flat
  7. The City is Dead
  8. You Used to Be Mine
  9. At Your Mercy
  1. Sacred
  2. Junker's Rebellion
  3. (I'm Not a) Scumbag
  4. What'd I Do?
  1. Gimme Whatcha Got
  2. The Way I See It
  3. Your Name Goes Here
  4. No Use for Girls
  5. Another Man's Treasure
  6. Take it Off, Suzie!
  7. Canonical Girl
  8. This is How it Feels
  9. Flamethrower of Love
  10. Renegade Robots
  11. Down in the Dungeon

Rock and Roll Aliens

I wrote this in, I think, 1989 or so. The immediate inspiration was a friend of my family, a certain young Harris Porter. Mr. Porter was at the time a boy of about 5. Once he drew a picture of a dinosaur playing an electric guitar. When asked to explain his drawing he replied, "Its a little bit like... uh... something.... maybe Rock and Roll?" This version was recorded in 1992, in Bayou La Batre.

we are the aliens, the rock and roll aliens
we are the aliens, the rock and roll aliens
and we're here on a mission:
we're out to get you !

we are the aliens, the rock and roll aliens
we are the aliens, the rock and roll aliens
and we're here on a mission:
we're out to burst your eardrums!

we got supersonic drums and laser guitars
we're coming after you on a rocket from mars
we got a secret weapon, a really secret weapon
it's, uh, something a little bit like, uh, maybe,
Rock and Roll ? Yeah !

(keyboard solo)

we are the aliens, the rock and roll aliens
we are the aliens, the rock and roll aliens
we are the aliens, the rock and roll aliens
we are the aliens, the rock and roll aliens

Can't Believe

Written and recorded in 1992, about my then-current object of infatuation. Not much to say here, really, except that this was during my brief period of flirtation with the idea of takin Geddy Lee for my role model as a vocalist. Fortunately this is just about the only example of it. See also the comments about Blood and Guts.

Can't believe its the same world that used to look so cold
Can't believe you're the same girl I thought I'd never hold
Can't believe I'm the guy I thought I'd never be
Can't believe its your eyes I thought I'd never see

Can't believe its the same one that used to make me sad
Can't believe its the fun I thought I'd never had
Can't believe its the same time that used to go so slow
Can't believe its the same life that used to get so old

(guitar solo)

Blood and Guts

Written and recorded in 1992, while I was in a band called Phevh'r. This was supposed to be a demo for the band. We never really did anything with it. The bone-headed rythym, with all the instruments pounding on the beat, was the trademark of a new genre of music called Pulsebeat that I was trying to invent at the time. Other examples include Can't Believe and the middle section of Down in the Dungeon.

Chorus:
Blood and Guts! Blood and Guts!
What we want is Blood and Guts!
Blood and Guts! Blood and Guts!
What we want is Blood and Guts!

Blood and Guts on the battlefield
Blood and Guts in the street
Blood and Guts in the bedroom
Blood and Guts to eat !

(repeat chorus)

Blood and Guts in the movies
Blood and Guts on TV
Blood and Guts and the radio
Blood and Guts for you and me!

(guitar solo)

Neighbors' Kid

Yet another 1992 selection, this was based on the lore that my brother Denny and I concocted about our neighbors in Bayou La Batre. Man was I bored then. Just so you know, the other vocalist besides me is my cousin Gregory who now lives in Nashville. The Bass guitar used on this song and the two previous ones was borrowed from Quentin Lami, bass player of Phevh'r.

The family down the street has got a secret they all hide
'cause appearances can deceive when you don't know what's inside
That boy is gettin' big and he's a hit with all the girls
but now I know the secret that they hide from all the world

Chorus:
The Neighbors' Kid is an Orangutan !
The Neighbors' Kid is an Orangutan !
The Neighbors' Kid is an Orangutan !
The Neighbors' Kid is an Orangutan !

He wears a rubber suit that looks like human skin
they taught him how to talk real good to hide the ape within
but he drags his knuckles when he walks and that gives him away
and I found his rubber people suit inside his house today

(repeat chorus)

I don't know why they hide this novelty they've found
the only baseball playin' ape I know of in this town !
they sell him right away to the circus or the zoo
I guess they're just too fond of him and they don't know what to do

(repeat chorus)

(keyboard solo)

Ain't Got a Woman

Written in 1993, after the relationship referred to in Can't Believe has ended. Not really about the relationship, because she DID love me. But still a nice way to console oneself. Recorded some months later in the same whirlwind session that gave birth to Knock Me Flat and At Your Mercy.

You used to be my baby
You used to be my baby
But you never did love me
No you never did love me
Now I ain't got a woman and
I really don't give a damn!

(guitar solo)

You used to be my honey
You used to be my honey
But you never did rock me
No you never did rock me
Now I ain't got a woman and
I really don't give a damn!

Knock Me Flat

Long story behind this one. It first appeared as lyrics only, in the "Junker's Rebellion" comic strip I used to draw. The title is taken from a play mentioned in Ayn Rand's THE FOUNTAINHEAD. That play was supposed to be a stereotypically bad example of the kind of thing Rand hated in pop culture. This was originally my attempt to write a truly bad song. I failed, I think. I've written much worse without trying to.

Butt naked in your Sentra
Crapping in your brand new hat
Your mom looks like Ed Asner
Come on and knock me flat!

Paint thinner for your carwash
Dogfood for your cat
Your sister looks like Mario
Come on and knock me flat!

(squeeze-toy solo)

Dancin' in your graveyard
Your girlfriend sure is fat
Mine is bigger than yours is
Come on and knock me flat!
Come on and knock me flat!

The City is Dead

The music is based on a song called O JASMINE by Will Richardson. The lyrics were written as another attempt to write the same sort of nonsense as Knock Me Flat. It was recorded sometime in 1994. The city ws originally supposed to be Mobile, but it just as easily be anywhere.

See the lights in the night
Shining like a lot of eyes.
Go to bed, rest your head.
Did you hear what Mother said ?

Chorus:
The city is dead!
The city is dead!
The city is dead!

Hear the feet on the street.
Clean your room and make it neat.
Blood is red. The cat is fed.
Did you hear what Father said ?

(repeat chorus)

You Used to Be Mine

This was originally written as a sort of reggae song in about 1990. This version was recorded in Bayou La Batre in 1993. At one point I think you can hear somebody mowing the lawn next door.

Oh babe you came along
with your love so strong
oh babe you had me
calling out your name.

You gave me everything
that I could want and more
and since I had you
I'll never be the same.

But then you changed your mine
left for some other guy
said he could love you
better than I could.

Maybe that's all right with you
but from my point of view
it's not a thing that you should do
because it ain't no good.

Chorus: And when you're sleeping in his arms
and your feeling soft and warm
do you ever think about me
and how you used to be mine ?

(slide-whistle solo)

(repeat chorus)

At Your Mercy

Funny thing about this song. I had the idea for it way back in like 91 or so, but didn't get around to finishing it until 1993, when it was recorded. Lots of people like it, but I've always been just a little embarassed by it.

Last night I dreamed I was a prisoner
your job was to torture me
but all you ever did was tease me
and leave me wanting your body

Sometimes I wish that I was crazy
and I couldn't help myself
they'd put me in straight-jacket
you'd put me through living hell

Helpless
Naked
Screaming "Love Me!"
I'm at your mercy.

(keyboard solo)

Sacred

The first song on this CD to be recorded in Tuscaloosa, Sacred was written and recorded in 1995. I still hate the way my voice sounds on here, but I put it on here because I like the guitar parts.

Never did think I'd find a girl
who makes me feel the way you do
but there's nothing as hard in the whole wide world
as tryin' to find a way to get close to you.

Chorus:
You're sacred to me
You're all that I can see
I've got to get to you
But I don't know what to do

Part of me wants to get down on my knees
and beg for your love, like love was gold
Part of me wants to sweep you off your feet
like they used to do in days of old

(repeat chorus)

(guitar solo)

(repeat chorus)

Junker's Rebellion

This is an instrumental I did in 1996. It uses the Whole-Tone Scale exclusively. The title is taken from of a comic strip I used to draw when I was in high school, in which the "band" Flvxxvm Florvm would occasionally appear. There actually was something called the "Junkers' Rebellion" that happened in 19th century Germany, but my comic strip was about a rebellious teenager named Junker.

(instrumental)

(I'm Not a) Scumbag

Written and recorded in 1996. Note the vocal style on here is not like any other song I've ever done. I recorded this song mainly as an excuse to do something with a lot of feedback - similar to the approach I took with Broken Man (on Flvxxvm Florvm Ate My Balls).

Somebody's been talkin' to you
somebody's been foolin' you
They say that I ain't no good
and I don't do the things I should, baby

They're draggin' me through the dirt
Don't you know I don't wanna see you hurt ?
Somebody's been tellin you lies
Don't you know I don't wanna see you cry ?

Chorus:
I'm not a scumbag!
I'm not a scumbag!
I'm not a scumbag!
I'm not a scumbag!

I'm never gonna cheat on you
and I wouldn't ever beat on you
I don't wanna cause you any shame
and I'll never bring down your name

(repeat chorus)

What'd I Do?

Based on ideas I'd been knocking around in my head since at least 1988. For years I tried to write lyrics, but I finally broke down and it without any in 1996.

(instrumental)

Gimme Whatcha Got

A silly thing I did in either 1994 or 1995. I really can't remember which. The drumming is terrible.

I don't know what you got
but I know I want me some
give me just a little bit
and more and more... yeah yeah yeah!

Chorus
Gimme gimme gimme what you got!
Gimme gimme gimme what you got!
Gimme gimme gimme what you got!
Gimme gimme gimme what you got!

I don't know what that is
but I know I wanna find out
give me just a little bit
so I'll know what's so special about...

(repeat chorus)

(guitar solo)

The Way I See It

Recorded in Bayou La Batre in 1995. Note the lack of drums, which is made up by beating on the acoustic guitar. I really screwed up the vocals.

The way I see it, you were gonna love me forever.
Oh oh oh, oh oh oh
I believed you when you told me that I was the one.
Oh oh oh, oh oh oh

Chorus:
Did you think that I would not mind when you left me ?
Did you think that I would not cry ?

My heart is broken like the promises that you made.
Oh oh oh, oh oh oh
The way I see it, you were gonna love me forever.
Oh oh oh, oh oh oh

(repeat chorus)

Your Name Goes Here

Done around the same time as The Way I See It, although the idea for the song goes WAY back. In 1988 or so I tried to write a song called Kimberly about a girl I lusted after at the time. Years later I considered pulling it out of the dust bin and sticking a different girl's name in, but then it occurred to me to just leave it blank. Let the listener fill in her (or his) own name.

When you look at me
you don't know how I feel
cause when you look at me
it gives me chills

Chorus:
Your name goes here
Your name goes here
Your name goes here
and I love you.

When you call my name
You don't know what it's like
cause when you call my name
it makes me shake

(repeat chorus)

When you hold my hand
you don't know what it's like
cause when you hold my hand
I spit in the mike

(repeat chorus)

No Use For Girls

I THINK this was recorded in 1994, but I'm not too sure. The idea for the song was older than that, probably about 91 or so. Not one of my more popular songs, althogh I like it a bunch.

No use for girls unless they're naked
No use for girls unless they're fine
No use for girls unless they're sexy
and unless they want to be mine

Chorus:
Unless they're ready and willing
and they want it right now
I've got no use for girls!
No use for girls!

(guitar solo)

No use for girls unless they're horny
No use for girls unless they're hot
No use for girls unless they're crazy
and baby, like it or not....

(repeat chorus)

Another Man's Treasure

The title for this song was the name of a second-hand store that just happened to be on the way from my parents house in Bayou La Batre to the house of a girl I dated in high school. No hard feelings against her, it just made a cool song. Written and recorded years later in 1994.

Saw you walking with a new love.
You seemed to say that it's a true love.
Remember when we moved in with your mother
and learned we couldn't stand each other ?

Chorus:
One man's pain is another man's pleasure.
One man's trash is another man's treasure.

When I was your lover boy
I felt just like a rubber toy.
I hope the new man that you found
is happy being jerked around.

(repeat chorus)

(harmonica solo)

I guess its none of my concern.
Let the other fellow have his turn.
But I can't help from wondering
about the time that I was squandering.

(repeat chorus)

Take it Off, Suzie !

In the lore of Flvxxvm Florvm as told in Junker's Rebellion, this song was actually played by a different band, Sourbelly Trio, that had the same lead singer as Flvxxvm Florvm. Not sure why you needed to know that.

You've been walkin down my street in your sexiest outfit
girl you think you're such a tease but I'm gonna get you yet !

Chorus:
Yeah, pretty mama, I wanna see everything !
Take it off, Suzie ! Take it off, Suzie ! Take it off, Suzie!
Take it off, Suzie ! Take it off, Suzie ! Take it off, Suzie!

You've been makin' me so crazy, can't take any more
one of these days I'll get you, baby, even up the score !

(repeat chorus)

(guitar solo)

(repeat first verse and chorus)

Canonical Girl

Recorded in 1995, and if you can understand the lyrics I owe you a coke. I think the lyrics below are correct.

I'm not satisfied with fashion victims
debutantes don't do a thing for me
I know that there's someone out there who's better
and every night she's dancin' in my dreams
Ooh, you know it seems...

Chorus:
I'm still lookin' for the perfect woman
I'm still searchin' for Canonical Girl
I'm still lookin' for the perfect woman
I'm still searchin' for Canonical Girl

The cover of her book is not gonna stop me
from findin' out what's in between her sheets
when I find her I know what I doin'
Gonna knock the socks right off of her feet
Ooh, ain't it sweet...

(repeat chorus)

I don't care if she comes from out in the country
or in the city - its all a state of mind
the only thing that matters is attitude
and someday soon I know I'm gonna find
Ooh, where she hides...

(repeat chorus)

This is How it Feels

I had the musical idea upon which this song is based back in 1990 or so, and the basic idea of the lyrics I just sort of came up with while screaming randomnly during a Phevh'r jam session. This version was recorded in 1995 or 1996, I can't recall exactly. The music is also used as part of my epic-length opus The Coming of the Cubes. Musically, this song is the essence Pulsebeat: the "drummer" hits as many different drums as possible simultaneously on every beat, without the normal bass/snare alternation. The guitar and bass follow the drums closely.

I want break you heart and make you cry.
Break your heart like you broke mine.
I'm looking forward to the day
when I can look you in the face and say

Chorus:
This is how it feels to have done to you what you did to me!
This is how it feels to have done to you what you did to me!

You thought you had such a clever plan.
You found yourself a brand new man.
But he'll leave you, just you wait and see.
You'll be broken like you broke me.

(repeat chorus)

There's no more of the love that we made.
Nothing left of the love that your betrayed.
You're not my baby anymore.
And now you're beaten, bruised, and sore

(repeat chorus)

Flamethrower of Love

Along with much of FLVXXVM FLORVM ATE MY BALLS, this song was conceived while drinking at Mallet. It was recorded in 1996, using a bass borrowed from Adam Shattuck and a recently-acquired fuzz pedal. Conceived as a possible song for Reverend Joe and the Sourmash Revival.

If you were a cat you know you outta be spayed
the way you scratch my back up when I got you in bed
I wanna take you down and bring you higher
gonna burn you up with my raging desire
with my Flamethrower of Love !
Flamethrower of Love !

You always go around justa shakin' what you got
with the clothes that you're wearin and the clothes that you're not
I wanna take you down and make you scream
gonna burn you up with great big thing
with my Flamethrower of Love !
Flamethrower of Love !

You flirt with me and you flirt with my friends
sometimes I wonder how its all gonna end
I wanna take you down and make you cry
gonna burn you up with my... my... my... my....
Flamethrower of Love!
Flamethrower of Love!

Renegade Robots

Another Reverend Joe candidate from 1996 that never went anywhere. I think it was influenced by the themesong from the old "Transformers" cartoon.

Chorus:
Renegade Robots
Renegade Robots
Renegade Robots
Renegade Robots

Renegade Robots used to work for us
Renegade Robots used to be our slaves
Renegade Robots have overrun the earth
now they want to destory the human race!

(repeat chorus)

Renegade Robots - it's useless to resist
see them coming out across the plains
Renegade Robots are getting really pissed !
Renegade Robots are gonna fry your brain !

(repeat chorus)

Renegade Robots know just what to do
Renegade Robots - we taught them how to fight
Renegade Robots are coming after you
This is the end of all humankind !

(repeat chorus)

Die humans die.... Die humans die... Die humans die....

Down in the Dungeon

The idea behind this song goes back to at least 1986 or so, when for some strange reason I got the idea to sing these lyrics to some of the music from the old "Popeye" video game. This particular version was recorded in 1996.

Down in the Dungeon
Down in the Dungeon
It is dirty and dark and
there's a million ways to get lost.

Down in the Dungeon
Down in the Dungeon
There are monsters and demons and creatures of evil
and a million ways to die!

(pulsebeat breakdown)

Down in the Dungeon
Down in the Dungeon
There is gold and treasure and riches untold
and its mine! All mine!

Down in the Dungeon
Down in the Dungeon
My wonderful Dungeon!
My beautiful Dungeon!

Down in the Dungeon, baby!
Down in the Dungeon, baby!
Down in the Dungeon, baby!
Down in the Dungeon, baby!

(pulsebeat breakdown)

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