Flvxxvm Florvm is Dead

© 1999 Jeff Robertson and Evil Grinn Music

 

Extravaganza

Art should be self-explanatory, but this song was not meant to be a work of art. The setting is a yearly torture called "Extravaganza" that my grade school used to have. The idea was, they played popular music while kids skipped rope, ran obstacle courses, pretended to play baseball (to the tune of "Centerfield", no less) in front of all the parents and teachers. (They also used to have something similar called "Jump Rope for Heart", that was supposed to raise money for heart-disease research). When I was ten, I got so bored watching this thing that I howled like a wolf, very loudly, and had to be excused. Later that night my 5th grade class had to do calisthenics to "Rhythm of the Night" by DeBarge. It was horrible, but all these years later I still can’t get the song out of my head, and I realize that the true definition of fame is to have your songs turn up in such mundane places. And ubiquity, of course, is the new fame. And yes, I know how much it sounds like "Crimson and Clover".

Ten years old
I couldn’t help but howl
Men grow old
But I can’t be bothered now

I’m ubiquitous
At the Extravaganza

Who’s idea was it
To make phys ed an art?
It was kinda like
Jumpin rope for heart

The songs they’d play
They all seemed so large
They’re with me to this day
Yea, even El DeBarge

Make it so
If they butcher me that way
I may grow old
But my song is here to stay

I’m ubiquitous
At the Extravaganza

 

So Beat Down

I had originally written this with the sexes reversed ("he’s got you so beaten down"), but I decided to change it because I wanted to stress mental, rather than physical, abuse was taking place. And yes, I know how tired the lion/ lamb analogy is.

People think you’re here because you like it
But I know how bad bad you want to crack
She bitches and she threatens and she cusses
Until you’ve got no will for fightin back

Chorus:
And I know the only reason that you’re staying
The reason you don’t walk right out the door
Is just because she’s got you to beaten down
You don’t have the nerve to get up off the floor

She walks around struttin’ like a lion
And treats you like a sacrifical lamb
She dragged you kickin and screamin to the altar
And crucified you with her own two hands

(repeat chorus)

I must admit that you’re a little dirty
But she’s the one who drags you through the mud
She cut your throat and sucked it like a vampire
Unitl she drained you of your fightin blood

(repeat chorus)

 

Right There

It was right there
from the beginning
It was right there all along
I heard the glory
Of your symphony
In the first word of your song

It was right there
Right there inside you
From the moment you awoke
I heard your story
And knew its meaning
In the first word that you spoke

Saw the earth
It was a grain of sand
I held the universe
In the palm of my hand
They all were looking
But they did not see
The unfolding of the future
That was in front of me

And it was right there
From the beginning
It was right there in your eyes
I could have drowned in
The mighty ocean
That was the first tear that you cried

I saw the tree
That would grow from the seed
I saw the branches
Reaching out into infinity
They all were looking
But they did not see
The unfolding of the future
That was in front of me

 

All You Insects

The verse is "Roadhouse Blues" slowed down to the tempo of "Runnin with the Devil". The chorus has the melody from "Stairway to Heaven" and the chords from "House of the Rising Sun". This was written about ten years, when I was 13, so forgive me..

I own the sun and I own the stars
I rule the moon and I’m the master of mars
Power and glory, death and corruption
All these are mine so prepare for destruction

Chorus:
I am life, I am death
I am good, I am evil
And I’ll crush all you insects one day
I am heaven, I am hell
I am God, I’m the Devil
And I’ll crush all you insects one day

The old ones tell tales of when they young
The people were different they spoke different tongues
No matter the day or the month or the year
I am the hope and I am the fear

(repeat chorus)

I own the sky and I own the earth
You have been mine since they day of your birth
I live inside of your very heart
And when it is your time I’ll take you apart

(repeat chorus)

 

Just an Idiot

The opposite side of the relationship first explored in "Blear".

I used to think that I was smart
But then you got ahold of me
And taught me how it really was
And boy you made a fool of me
Other people try so hard
And live in such anxiety
But I know I can relax
Because I know its plain to see

Chorus:
I’m just an idiot
Nothin but an idiot
Stupid stupid idiot
Silly silly idiot
I’m just an idiot
Nothin but an idiot
But I’m your idiot
So I don’t care!

When you put your arms around me
I don’t have to think no more
I don’t have to play no games
Cause I’m too dumb to know the score
When I tried to use my brain
I know I’d only be a bore
When I’m with you I don’t care
If people think that I’m a whore

(repeat chorus)

 

I’ve got the Girl

Also written about ten years ago.

She coulda had you if she wanted to
But she chose me, now can’t you see
You can have all those other girls
But leave her to me, now can’t you see

Chorus:
Listen up man
You better stay away from her
I might be a nerd
But I’ve got the girl.

The way you treat girls is to love em and leave em
Pop their cherries and break their hearts
And everybody knows that you don’t really need her
So why are you tryin to tear me and her apart?

(repeat chorus)

I’ve been thinkin about her for such a long time
I finally worked up the courage to ask her out
Now my self-esteem is so much better
But you don’t like that, No you don’t
You wanna keep me weak and helpless
And obedient like a dog

You don’t want me to have anything
You just want to think you’re better than me
You’re not satisfied just livin your own life
You’ve gotta go and try and ruin mine for me

(repeat chorus)

 

Goddamn Thing

You can do the dishes if that’s what you want to do
You can do the laundry if it means that much to you
But don’t you look at me if you need a helping hand
It’s not my job to be some kinda handyman

Chorus:
I’m not gonna do a goddamn thing
I’m not gonna do a goddamn thing
I’m not gonna do a goddamn thing
I’m not gonna do a goddamn thing

You can take the trash out if that’s what makes your day
You can cut the grass if that’s how you want to play
But don’t you expect me to sweat and break my back
It’s the fuckin weekend and I want to relax

(repeat chorus)

 

Hidden Tracks

I’m not going to say anything about these, because they’re hidden. You have to find them.May or may not contain the following non-flvxxvm ingredients:

1